I read a post today that probably resonates with a bunch of women (married or not). The author poses the question: do we have best friends when we get all grown up? Are we allowed?
I can count on one hand my besties throughout the years: Laura, Mikey, Heather, Juanita, Heidi, Ecklund. Okay, maybe two hands. Different phases, different friendships, but I still love each of these ladies dearly. My last two besties came in college, but that phase of my life ended almost 20 years ago. Lives change, people move away, and though the friendship remains, it’s different.
I’ve met ladies throughout the years with whom I’ve enjoyed spending time, but for whatever reason, I’ve not felt the closeness of that best friend relationship. Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’ve been afraid of putting myself out there in case the other person didn’t feel I was BFF material. Wouldn’t that suck? Maybe that mysterious best friend-resonance just wasn’t there. In any case, I didn’t think much about it, other than those times when I saw other women doing stuff with their besties. Or rather, when I saw pictures of my acquaintances and their besties on Facebook doing cool stuff together. Then I was a little envious.
I want a BFF! I want to do cool stuff with someone! I want someone to whine to when my kids are obnoxious!
Along came Fifi Trixibelle.
I first met her 4-ish years ago. She had just had her first child, and I felt a connection with her because her son’s name is the same as my son’s name. We were at a church function, and I enjoyed chatting with her. We didn’t intersect much after that initial meeting because her husband worked odd hours, so they weren’t able to do much stuff at church (which is where most of my social interaction happens, in case you were wondering).
Then she started going to the same Bible study I go to. More importantly, she started hanging out in the sound booth in the back of the church with me during the teaching time of the Bible study. One of us worked the computer, the other did the sound, and we quickly realized we shared a sarcastic, warped sense of humor. Soon after that, her husband got a job with normal hours, and they were able to do stuff at church again. Then they changed churches and I was sad. But we still hung out in the sound booth at our Thursday morning Bible study and bonded over weird stuff. Like the pollen count apps on our phones.
But then a glorious thing happened – they came back to our church! Our families started hanging out more, and our relationship began to deepen. We went shopping together (just a few times because we live SO STINKING FAR AWAY from decent shopping), got coffee together, and learned of a shared fondness for margaritas. We took our relationship to the next level – we had a standing Saturday morning garage sale date.
In the meantime, she’d had two more kids, and I’d had one more. We texted as often as teenagers in a mall, even though we lived less than a block apart. Sometimes we were even lucky enough to see each other 4 times a week. It was awesome.
Then her husband got an even better job…90 miles away. So they moved. And I was sad. Still am, in fact, because this happened only 2 months ago.
And the weird thing? It took the bizarre ramblings of my alter-ego, Tardie Sue, for me to realize and vocalize my feelings about this precious woman. It felt weird to say out loud that she’s my best friend, because I felt somehow like I was cheating on my best friend from college (who lives 600-ish miles away and who I see maybe once every 2 years). I didn’t know how to handle that until Tardie Sue showed up and declared out loud and on YouTube that Fifi Trixibelle is her best friend. I felt nervous about it at first, because I didn’t know how Fifi would respond. Would she snub me? Would she reciprocate?
Then I got this text yesterday from her about that blog post I mentioned at the top: I love the last line – “I’m Anne, I have my Gilbert, but am looking for my Diana.” I’m so blessed to have you for my bestie! We are Anne and Diana, just a little less mischief, I think.
Sigh. All is well in the world. I have a best friend. I wish that for each of you, my dear Chickadees.