The Top 10 Things Keeping Me From Writing The Great American Novel

14 Nov

As you might know, I’m participating in NaNoWriMo – writing a 50K-word novel in 30 days. As of Sunday night, I’m 3155 words behind. I’m taking a little break right now because I just sat here in my comfy chair and wrote 500 words. During my break, I thought I’d get this post ready for tomorrow and I’d catch up on a little recorded TV. Specifically, Pop-Up Video, the show that is as addictive as crack to me. Because this small-town homemaker knows crack. (Actually, the only crack I know about is the tiny one I see when Baby K runs through the house nekkid.) This leads me to think that maybe PUV isn’t the best choice in breakavision. What else is keeping me from writing my best-selling novel?

10 – This is an easy one. My family. I thought that writing on the weekend would be easy-peasy. What was I thinking? I. Have. Four. Kids. This means that at all moments from the time they got home from school on Thursday until I banished them to their rooms sweetly tucked them into bed tonight, someone was demanding my attention. We had a three-day weekend for Veterans’ Day, so that was three days down the tubes. Tantrums, diaper blow-outs, bubble baths, screaming knock-down drag-outs, playdates, chores, grocery shopping, emergency run to the dollar store, church, homework…and I was in the middle of all of it.

9 – My husband decided to bake. He makes FABULOUS desserts and breads. I’m the cook, he’s the baker. He was busy at it again this weekend, so I was busy munching on the stuff that is going to enable me to grow my own love seat on the back of my front. Let me just say this: chocolate, coconut, pecans, graham cracker crumbs…ahhh

8 – My lame imagination. So this is the first real book I’ve written. Even though I have two other manuscripts, I don’t really think I went through what I consider to be the typical writing process with either. One is an easy-reader non-fiction book: that was like researching and writing a very simplistic high school research paper, and the other was a blog on which I posted most every day for six months. I’m having to imagine everything. So far my book was progressing without incident until I decided (just 300 words ago, by the way) that my protagonist needed to run into a capsized trailer of chickens. So I guess my imagination isn’t that lame, but it took its sweet time showing up! I’m 18,500-words in, for crying out loud.

7 – We bought an X-Box with a Kinect last weekend. I have more fun watching everyone else play than actually playing myself, so I wasted a lot of time laughing at watching my girls dance.

6 – Hiding in the bathroom. Yes, I said it. I hid in the bathroom. That’s a big deal because my bathroom is roughly the size of a Target restroom stall. For real. I’m not joking. I’m desperate when I go in there.

5 – Frantically cleaning before we watched a friend’s baby. At church today, Steve volunteered us to watch our youth pastor’s 8-month-old while the youth pastor and his wife went to a movie. I was more than happy to help, since all 4 our our kids love this little sweetie, and I knew she would keep them all occupied for a couple of hours. Only problem was that my living room floor looked like Cookie Monster (or his cousin Any Food Monster) had been in there dropping his food all over my floor instead of shoving it into his fake Muppet mouth. Kid #2 (A) and I spent a frantic, but very effective, 15-minute cleaning session. The best part? Baby K, a.k.a. Any Food Monster, messed it all up again after our little friend left.

4 – I had to fish a used pull-up out of the washer. I just did this. I think it broke in there, so I rinsed that load again. Still haven’t check it, though. That’s my “prize” for when I finish writing my next 500 words. Can I come up with some great rewards, or what? Cleaning out liquid-absorption gel crystals out of my washer. Yeah, I bet Stephen King cleaned nasty stuff out of his washer when he hit his word goals on “The Shining.”

3 – Disguising Tom the Turkey. Every year, the 3rd graders at my kids’ school disguise Tom the Turkey. Tom is a white cardstock turkey silhouette that each kid is supposed to disguise and decorate so he can escape Thanksgiving unharmed. #2 has been agonizing over her Tom for 10 days and we finally decided he would be the game of Life. So now I get to figure out how to make a turkey cutout into a board game-type things. Pictures will follow. When #1 did his Tom, he made it into Darth Turkey. Painted it all black and glued on a neon red tube from a cheap ball-point pen as the lightsaber. Easy peasy. Game of Life? We will see.

2 – Perfecting my liquid eyeliner application. Bought some for Halloween and I’ve enjoyed wearing it often in the last couple of weeks, but my technique is a little shaky, and possibly a bit too conservative.

1 – Obsessing over my Twitter feed and lamenting my teeny tiny platform. I can write or I can build my platform, but I can’t do both. Right now I have 3155 reasons to write and ignore my platform, but I can still hear my platform sobbing quietly in the corner, small and alone.

If you want to help my sad platform since I’m unable to right now, just click the button below. That’s all you have to do – no logging in or anything more than a click. It’ll even open in a new window, which you can promptly close if you don’t have time to peruse the other blogs there. Thanks!

Just click here to vote. Nothing more required of you. Thanks!

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5 Responses to “The Top 10 Things Keeping Me From Writing The Great American Novel”

  1. Deana November 14, 2011 at 7:24 am #

    Hey girlfriend love this post. I only have three kids. Gave birth to one and married the other. But I can totally relate. I tried to help with your platform but your banner just opens a page with a larger copy of th photo and doesn’t link anywhere. Sorry. Hope you are having a good day.

    • That Nolen Chick November 14, 2011 at 9:10 am #

      Thanks for the heads-up, Deana! I appreciate it mucho mucho!

      • Deana November 14, 2011 at 9:14 am #

        TYPO _ I have three kids, gave birth to TWO!, married the other. LOL

        oh – and you’re welcome. 🙂

        Finding uninterrupted time to write, while raising a family is crazy hard.

        Hugs
        Deana

  2. Reading (and chickens) November 14, 2011 at 10:35 am #

    I can’t even imagine trying to write with four kids around. I used to get up a little before the kids (so extra super early) and write for fifteen minutes, no matter what. It was surprising how much you can write in 15 minutes if you’re really determined!

    • That Nolen Chick November 14, 2011 at 12:43 pm #

      I’m impressed at your getting up early superpower! Definitely something I am physically incapable of doing.

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