I’m interviewing kid #1, who wishes to go by the name “Epic Dude.”
Me: Why “Epic Dude?”
E.D.: I can prove I’m epic. Because I once jumped out of a car.
Awesome Chick: While it wasn’t moving.
Me: When did you do this feat of daring?
E.D.: Uhhh, a few weeks ago when you were driving. I jumped out before you stopped the car. I landed on my feet.
Me: Don’t do that again.
E.D.: Okey dokey.
Dad: (from the other room) Epic Dude, that’s not funny.
E.D.: Yes, sir.
Me: Ok. So what do my readers need to know about you?
ED: That I’m funny, I like to read comics, and I’m a great drawer.
Me: What’s your best drawing of?
ED: Um, probably, um, it’s hard to decide but, I guess it’s the one, um, uh, the octopus dragon fighting a mer-prince. It was cool.
Me: Have I seen this one?
ED: No. I drew it at school, but my friend L really liked it, and since it was in my composition book, I outlined it really dark so that if I have my composition book, you can see every single inch.
Me: A mer-prince, huh? What’s a mer-prince?
ED: It’s kind of like a mermaid, except it’s a boy.
Me: Why a mer-prince?
ED: Because it was an underwater dragon, so what better underwater mythical sea creature to fight it than a mer-prince?
Me: Who won?
ED: It was only a drawing. I didn’t really do the fight. I just drew the picture.
Me: Ok. So what are you reading right now?
ED: The Bride of Far Side.
Me: How many of the comics do you understand?
ED: So far, all of them.
Me: Which one was funniest so far?
ED: A guy wakes up in bed, and on one foot, he has all his toes. On the other foot, he has all of his toes except the big toe. Where the big toe is supposed to be, there’s a taped note that says “Went to market,” and it looks like the picture was taken from the bedpost.
Me: Anything else you want to share?
ED: Uh, yes. I like video games. I like um, I, um, oh yeah, I can run really fast and I like soccer, and I’m strong for a fifth grader.
Me: Do you have a girlfriend?
Me: Do you want a girlfriend?
ED: No. Not right now.
Me: Good. I can live with that.