Things I Never Dreamed I’d Do

15 Feb

As I write this, it’s Saturday. I’ve had it up to here with the kids today…and it’s only 11:05 in the morning. Bickering, tantrums, whining, arguing…this has been my morning. To make matters worse, hubs made homemade cinnamon rolls. Again. He does this every weekend, which seems nice on the surface. But I’m doing Weight Watchers and trying to lose 30 more pounds. So I have to grit my teeth and ignore the yummy pastries.

Anyway, I thought I’d share with you a list of things I never dreamed I’d do, but am now doing.

1. Walking on crumbs and doing nothing about it. Yeah, my kitchen and dining room floors are pretty shameful. When I get sufficiently grossed out, I’ll sweep and mop, but in the meantime, I wear house shoes and ignore the crunching.

2. Hide from my kids in the bathroom. Yeah, you know you do it, too.

3. Bribe my kids. I always assumed they’d always do what I wanted just because I told them to. Ba ha haaa!

4. Tell my son I’m not interested in listening to him talk about his video games. I thought I’d be That Cool Mom who likes playing video games with her kids. And I do, but only the games I’m interested in. Like Zelda, or Lego Harry Potter. I don’t care about Skylanders or Pokemon (blech).

5. Have rules that are not etiquette-related regarding dinner time . My #1 rule? No talking about video games. This extends to hubs, as well. They all (3 kids and hubs) went through this phase where they rehashed at great length the game they were all playing (Pokemon – blech). Can’t stand it.

6. Drink (and enjoy) coffee. This was always something the old people in my life did. It wasn’t until my early 20s that coffee shops and Starbucks became so popular. I didn’t become a regular coffee drinker until we lived in England in 2006. I’m not sure what did it – maybe the fact that I didn’t want to drink tea all the time and I wanted to exert my American-ness.

7. Eat leftovers off someone else’s plate. By “someone else” I mean my kids, and by “leftovers” I mean perfectly good food that I invested time and effort cooking. So yeah, I do that.

8. Run. Never dreamed I’d do it. Hated it in jr. high. Decided to give it a try in 2007. It’s not so bad. By no stretch of the imagination am I good at it, but I still do it and enjoy it. Plus it’s a great reason to buy expensive shoes. I overpronate.

9. Be impressed by one of my child’s belches. Kid #3 (J a.k.a. Lily/Lucy) is a whizbang at belching. She’s barely 6 and could hold her own against a teenage boy. Not even kidding here. She’s mastered the technique of manipulating the shape of her mouth and closing her throat to make her burps sound like frog ribbits. Such a dainty little flower, that one.

Taken when she was 4. But it captures her essence brilliantly.

10. Be a writer. Not even on my radar until 5 years ago. Now it’s almost all I think about, when I’m not mommy-ing or wife-ing.

Anything you’re do now you ever dreamed you’d be doing? This isn’t one of those standard “blog post-ending questions.” I really do want to know. I’m sure there are some great ones out there.

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14 Responses to “Things I Never Dreamed I’d Do”

  1. Laura February 15, 2012 at 5:32 am #

    Very nice list. I’m with you on the housework. Lots of trouble for very little reward. I crunch crumbs right along with you, many miles away.

    Back in my BC days (before children) I never thought I would wear ugly shoes and not care. I love shoes. I have cute, dainty feet that I’ve always thought were pretty nifty. Henceforth, I would buy ridiculous shoes that looked great but hurt.

    I married a man who equates going shoe shopping with purchasing tires. If I wear fancy shoes that aren’t practical when we go somewhere, he’s irritated that I can’t walk fast enough. I have friends whose husbands admire their sense of style and appreciate how lovely they look in their fancy frocks. These men even drop them off at the door when they go on dates. I remember Aaron doing that once when we were dating and a woman asking how soon till we got married. She knew. She had married a practical shoe man.

    I guess I should be thankful that Aaron married me for my mind and not my ability to look cute in clothing. I now wear very comfy shoes constantly so I can chase my children and not break my neck doing so. Heels hurt. I don’t care if other women lie and say they don’t. They do.

    I’m also very irritated by incorrect grammar, especially in Spanish. I can’t figure out how to do accent marks on our new operating system and it physically pains me. I remember a time in my undergrad when I couldn’t tell you where an accent went to save my life. How times change.

    • That Nolen Chick February 15, 2012 at 10:02 pm #

      Nothing says “MOMMY” like a pair of shoes you can wear while sprinting after a child in the midst of naughtiness. The child’s naughtiness, not the mother’s.

  2. Deana February 15, 2012 at 5:35 am #

    All of those. I can totally relate, except the whole running thing. Tried it, but that one never stuck. Mario and Luigi were big with my boys. Ugh. I do get to be an extra in movies sometimes. I dont usually get paid. Hollywood likes the Western Feel of Oklahoma. I did get paid a whopping $42.68 for being in the background of Cowgirls and Angels. That was a lot of fun. And I’m an audience mom in So This is Christmas. Did not get paid for that one, but cool! Never thought I’d do that kind of stuff living in Oklahoma.

  3. Chrissy February 15, 2012 at 5:39 am #

    You crack me up early in the morning!! I’ll admit that I’ve done mostly everything on your list…and it’s all so true!! With kids, hubby, plus I own my own business-squeezing writing in there is quite the challenge. Beds go undone, dishes pile, dust-balls start having conversations and gossiping about how badly I clean and how I spend way too much time writing…but that’s part of the craziness of juggling it all!! Great post.

    • That Nolen Chick February 15, 2012 at 10:05 pm #

      THAT’S what I’ve been hearing late at night – dust bunny conversations. Love it!

  4. Motherhood on the Rocks February 16, 2012 at 7:34 pm #

    ha! I love that your daughter can hold her own burping. My little 18 month old can really let em rip too! But then she says in the sweet, most innocent little voice “cuz me.”

    • That Nolen Chick February 17, 2012 at 7:46 pm #

      Nothing like the sweetness of kids to cancel out their grossness.

  5. Kelley February 17, 2012 at 10:34 am #

    This is funny! I sometimes actually don’t even make myself a plate and just eat the leftovers off of my kids’ plates. I also walk on crumbs. Also, I so know what you mean about Weight Watchers. I’m doing it, too, but it is so hard! Starting to slack off, actually. You inspired me to get back to it! (Thanks for linking up with #findingthefunny!)

    • That Nolen Chick February 17, 2012 at 7:48 pm #

      Who needs their own plate when there’s a perfectly good (and completely untouched) plate right there in front of your child? No sense in dirtying more dishes, right?

      Good luck with the WW. I’m currently torturing my family with a new recipe book. I like the stuff, they’re not so sure. We had roasted parsnips and turnips tonight. It wasn’t so bad.

  6. Anna February 18, 2012 at 5:18 pm #

    I really enjoyed this! So impressed that you run – and very impressed by your daughter! 🙂 Thanks for linking up to finding the funny!
    Anna

  7. Paige February 19, 2012 at 8:31 am #

    Touch anyone else’s boogers, ever. But I have and I do for my not always so sweet babies.

    • That Nolen Chick February 19, 2012 at 3:07 pm #

      Silly me! How could I have forgotten boogers? I also never dreamed I’d be picking someone else’s nose.

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